If you have been following me for a while you know that this blog, and my previous one, is mainly focused on fashion. This being said, you must have noticed my lifestyle blogs too, where I talk about life in general but also share personal stories. It helps me to put certain things into perspective. I also noticed that many of you appreciate these kind of posts, thank you for all those sweet and encouraging messages by the way! That’s why I open up my heart again to talk about my most difficult characteristic: overthinking.
But what means overthinking exactly and why do so many suffer from it? Well I can’t speak for others but in my case: overthinking is a way to handle any kind of situation. Does that mean that it is a positive attribute? Difficult to say, as it has put me into many difficult situations and lost many people because of it.
Let me explain how it works for me… When I overthink, I thought about every possible ending for the situation I’m in. That makes me kind of prepared, but the negativity in the whole story is that I only see the situation through my eyes. I’m not rational at all. The result is that it makes me paranoid, jealous, angry,.. And I end fucking up the whole situation. Is my overthinking always at the same level? No… It’s at its worst when someone tries to enter my personal zone or tries to connect with me…. A lot of questions pop up in my head and the overthinking takes over. What I’m trying to explain here is that in my head I have already talked a thousand times to you. Your first impression has already been made before we even started talking. All of this also explains why I don’t vibe with many, but when I do, it’s genuine.
Does all of this kills my spontaneity? It certainly could have been if impulsivity wouldn’t flow through my veins. So in this story my impulsivity is an absolute blessing.
Please, don’t confuse this whole explanation with antisocial or rude behavior, because that’s not what I am. I’m a social person but I simply think before I let someone in. It’s my way to protect myself against dissapointment and hurt. One day the whole overthinking aspect will improve, we all evolve. That’s when I’ll realize that life is so much easier when we just let it happen… I already know this but my mind isn’t there yet. But with time…
If you’re struggling with these kind of feelings, know that you’re not alone and that it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Most people won’t understand and will call you weird, a control freak,.. And some of the “smart ones” will tell you need therapy to work on yourself. If YOU think you need to talk about it, do it, but don’t let anybody else tell you what you should do. YES I do feel the need to be in control of everything, but honestly? It hasn’t turned me into a bad person. On the contrary, it has turned me into someone I absolutely love, a woman with a clear vision and opinion and a mom of two little boys for whom I want to be the best example I can possibly be!
From the heart… Thanks for reading. Have a great saturday and weekend. Lots of love, your girl…